Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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