wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
