she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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