that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize