Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
