Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize