I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
