If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I deserve this hangover.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
that is very illegal...i love you.
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