I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize