the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
