How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that's an acceptable place to lick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
