i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I look better un-naked...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
