Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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