I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
