The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
