Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
