I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
