I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
