I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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