Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
