Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
