Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
