It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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