people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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