You're so nebulous sometimes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
