The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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