I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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