We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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