She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
