Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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