oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
