Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
