You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
