It's Friday. Sex?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
