i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
