woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
