Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize