Where is the hickey?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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