I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
