DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
