I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
