Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
