My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
