If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize