Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am one with the molecules
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
