You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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