Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
