he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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