The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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