Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
only if we run a train.
done.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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