i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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