Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
