Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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