I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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