So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wear drunk well.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize