I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
