at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dignity is for republicans.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
