he shaved USA in his pubs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
