Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
