paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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