I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
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