The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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