If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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