I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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