His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
