She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
