I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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