oh fat girl friday strikes again...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
