oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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