If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
