Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
