dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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