woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
