Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
