maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
