I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
