I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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