Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
