You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize