So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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